Acts 28

MEMO

FROM: The Captain
TO: Crew, Prisoners, Centurions
RE: Paul

It has come to my attention that there are a number of misconceptions regarding Paul, one of the prisoners who was a part of this voyage right up until our little "unscheduled island vacation" (you're welcome), that require some clarification. Please read this memo carefully and discuss any concerns you have with your immediate supervisor. (Your immediate supervisor will note any concerns, consider them carefully, and then smack you and order you back to your post. I am working to improve management's responses to feedback but I can only do so much given our circumstances.)

A. HE IS NOT A GOD.

I understand that an incident with a viper while on Malta has given a number of you ideas about worshiping him. I urge you to note that he has not claimed any sort of divinity, and indeed will not shut up about his faith. I should also point out that the viper in question was in his own bundle of sticks, which implies that he apparently cannot tell a stick from a snake, a most un-divine mistake to make.

B. HE HAS NO FORMAL NAUTICAL TRAINING AND IS NOT TO BE TRUSTED IN NAVIGATIONAL MATTERS.

Yes, I will admit he is riding a bit of a lucky streak with regards to our current voyage, having predicted the shipwreck that - through no fault of the management - did wind up occurring, and then predicted our eventual landfall. However, I wish to point out that on many days of the voyage, the ship did NOT wreck, and who was correct about shipwrecks then? Not Paul.

C. IT IS NOT OKAY TO HIT HIM NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU WANT TO.

Yes, he did point out while we were being tossed by the storm that he told us so. And yes, he did prevent much of the crew from abandoning ship before we hit the reef. And yes, he did have us throw a bunch of food overboard right before we hit said reef. And yes, if any of you had said or done such things, you would have been smacked by your immediate supervisor. Still, the natives on this island seem to be quite enamored of him, and are planning to supply our spring voyage because of it. Thus, the plans I have overheard several of you making where one of you sneaks up behind him and crouches down, and the other of you pushes him so he falls over backwards, while extraordinarily funny, must NOT be carried out.

Your cooperation in these matters is appreciated. Also, if the owner of our ship asks any questions, the storm was a TOTAL surprise that couldn't POSSIBLY be helped. DO NOT MENTION PAUL TO THE OWNER OF THE SHIP AT ANY TIME.

Thank you and enjoy your time here on Malta, an island that I TOTALLY knew was here all along.

The Captain

[That's right, if none of you guys are going to hop on the guest blogger spots, this is the kind of junk you're going to get.]